Top Ten Differences Between You and Your Boss - Jokes

1. When you take a long time, you’re slow.
2. When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
3. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
4. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
5. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
6. When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
7. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
8. When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
9. When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
10. When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
11. When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
12. When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
13. When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping.
14. When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.
15. When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
16. When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
17. When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
18. When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
19. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
20. When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK

1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”
3. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
4. “Amen”
5. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
6. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
7. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.”
8. “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
9. “Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
10. “Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING

1. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the ‘real’ reason this meeting has been called.
2. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
3. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
4. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
5. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
6. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
7. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
8. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here’s the way I see it, J.B…” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss’s.)
9. Complain loudly that your neighbour won’t stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
10. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say “uh-huh, uh-huh!”

Tara Let's Eat... at Matong Resto!

Kagana-gana ang tema ng resto, named after the Chinese word "Matong" for toilet, Marton Theme Restaurant.

Umupo sa mga 'mini plastic toilet bowls'! (remember my potty-training days, hehe..) Wipe your hands using toilet rolls sa taas mismo ng mesa, hmmm, KUBETANG KUBETA!!!







Sarap ng Dessert! Toilet Ice cream.

Sleep at Work

Are feeling sleepy in office? These stick-on eyes will make you seem alert while you take a nap at your desk! Not sure where to get them, maybe you can print some eyes from the net and stick it with tapes. Hehe.. Or you have these Ten Excuses for Sleeping at Work memorized.

The Wishlist

Funny what girl college students want these days!! (specified pa kung saan bibilhin! ayaw pahuli sa uso!)

Kiddie Click

To complete the remote collection, this is the ultimate magic wand in parenting, operating on nothing but pure, unadulterated positive thinking.

Click!

These remote controls are for those times when you wish he/she would do what you want! No batteries required - Powered by positive thinking!

Operating Instructions:
1. Point remote at subject.
2. Push an y button on the remote.
3. Hope for the best!

April Fools Day Pranks

Updated: Sept-3
Troop of One Hundred

The prank involves a hundred-strong mob chasing lone, innocent passers-by to see their responses. The reactions are hilarious and make you want to grab 100 people and try the same.

Of course, it doesn’t help the victims, when the people in the mob shout out things like "Here comes the tsunami!" "It’s that guy!" and "Danger!" in Japanese. Who wouldn’t be tempted to yell and run for their lives in a situation like that?

Crazy Japanese Port-O-Potty Prank

In this toilet prank, they used very high tech portable toilets, which cost about US$43000 to build! After watching this video clip, I will never use any portable toilet again. You’ll know why after watching it.

Massage Chair Gone Mad

Ski Resort spa prank

Elevator Floor illusion

Going into this elevator would certainly makes one nervous. A sign at the entrance cautions the people that goes in about work in progress. A more detailed look shows that the floor has been painted with an illusion that there is no floor.

Bus-vertising

At first, there's bag-vertising. Cool bus doors. Good use of space. The way these AD has been painted up is really imaginitive and eye catching.



Built for the kill. Now on National Geographic Channel.


Just One Bite.


Care to smoke?

how mouse works

haven't you ever wondered how the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse?

Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done. With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent. Click on the link and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to download and when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works. At some point, be sure to hold the mouse steady and then to click.

honorable Poohcquaio

Enter Manny Poohcquiao.

Who do you want to fight with next: Soto, Larios, Marquez?

Ah, medyo nahihirapan nga ako dahil sobrang dami nila na gustong makipaglaban sa akin. Parang gusto ko na lang si Solis. Lolit Solis. Hindi na kailangan ng boxing gloves doon. Tsinelas lang puwede na. Kung ayaw niya sa akin, wala naman akong magagawa. Sino bang nawalan? E di ako! (That's difficult. I'd rather fight Lolit Solis, if she wants. We can use slippers, not gloves.)

Why are you running for Congress?
Sana irespeto nila kung ano ang trip ko dahil kung ano naman ang trip nila hindi ko naman pinakikialaman. (I hope the will respect my trip, in the same manner that I respect theirs.)

What's your platform? Your plans?

Marami akong plataporma. Unang-una ang peace and order. Sa amin sa Gen. Santos, maayos naman 'yung order ng mga fish. Marami ang umo-order ng tuna. (First is peace and order. In GenSan, there are many orders for fish, especially tuna.)

Pagkatapos ng congressman, senator naman. Tapos presidente na. Pag naging presidente ako marami akong babaguhin. Imbes na barong Tagalog ang gagawin kong national costume, boxers' shorts na! Ang national anthem, 'Extreme Magic Sing' na. (After congress, I'd aspire to be senator, then president. If I become president, I will order a change in the national costume, from barong tagalog to boxers' shorts. The national anthem will be Extreme Magic sing.)

What about your show biz career? You might not have time for show biz.
Tatlo na ang gagawin ko: boxing, politics and show biz. Wala nang tulugan ito! (I will be very busy, I will not sleep anymore.)

Do you have a new movie?
Ah meron, gagawa kami nila Julie Vega, Nida Blanca, Charito Solis, directed by Lino Brocka. Siguro ang magandang title, "Ikaw na Lang ang Hinihintay." (I have a new movie ... it will be titled 'Waiting for You.")

And your singing career, do you have new albums?

Ah, meron! Marami akong album ngayon. Lalo na marami akong kuha doon sa huling boxing namin. Kinuhanan ako ng misis ko. Bale nalagay na nga sa photo album. (Plenty, my wife is collecting my photo album.)

Ah, 'yung kanta ba? (Ah you mean songs?)

Wala pang bago kasi 'yung unang album, hindi ko alam kung nag-silver o nag-bronze ba 'yun? (Not yet. I'm not even sure if my first album made a bronze or silver, is that it?)

Who punches harder? Jinkee or Solis?

Mas malakas si Jinkee, mahal ko 'yan, nagpapasalamat nga ako sa kanya. Thank you, Jinkee, for always supporting me, every time I have a fight and you are there always. It's so very relaxing and absolutely that, you know ah, you know and thanks God. (Jinkee, I love you ...)

How has traveling abroad improved your English?
Ah ... um ... ahh ... Um ... ah ...Thank you!

What's the secret of your powerful punch?
Spinach! Popeye pala ito! Siyempre proper diet. Tapos exercise. Control lang sa lahat ng mga bisyo. (Spinach, proper diet, exercise. Moderation ...)

Wala akong bisyo...

What do you plan to do with your earnings?

Hinahati-hati ko sa orphanage, simbahan. Tapos meron din para sa mansion, sa convenience store, saka sa bar ko dito sa Roxas Boulevard. Tapos marami rin akong binibigyan ng balato. Tapos meron ding napupunta sa manok. Mahilig ako sa manok! (I gave to the orphanage, church. I also set aside for the mansion which I'm constructing, a convenience store, and a bar along Roxas Boulevard. I also gave money as gift. I also invest in chicken.)

McDonald's fried chicken?
Oo. 'Yun nga ang pinang-sabong ko minsan, natalo ako! (Yes. I've lost money in cockfights.)

How's your private life? Do you still have time for yourself? For your family?
Well... private nga 'yun, bakit mo pa tinatanong kung private? (It's private, don't pry.)

Pag nanalo akong presidente, kasama ko na ang pamilya ko sa Malacañang. Parang si Madame GMA. Ayun, kasama niya lahat ng pamilya niya di ba? Mga kamag-anak, mga kapitbahay, ang dami nila doon sa Malacañang. (If I become president, I will bring my entire family to Malacanang, like Madame GMA. Her relatives, neighborts, there are so many of them in Malacanang.)

What's your message to our countrymen?

Ah...ang mensahe ko lang sa mga kababayan ko na mahihirap: Mag-tiyaga lang. Ganyan din naman ako dati e. Galing din ako diyan. Basta mag-sipag lang at mag-tiyaga. Mag-boxing na rin kayong lahat. Pati babae. Para marating n'yo rin 'yung narating ko. (Work hard. Persevere always. Take up boxing, even women should take up boxing, then you can achieve what I have reached.)

How are you related to Winnie the Pooh and Fernando Pooh?
Si Winnie the Pooh, pinsang buo ko 'yun. Si Fernando Pooh, bale parang lolo ko yata 'yun. (Winnie is my cousin, Fernando Pooh is my grandfather, I think)

Do you know how to surf the Net? Do you know how to e-mail?
E-mail? Yan ba 'yung envelope mail? Marunong akong mag-Internet. Mag-webcam. 'Yung show me your face! Show me your pancreas! Your intestines! (Oh yes, I know)

We saw you on YouTube.
Dina-download nga 'yun sa Greenhills. P25! Sila lang ang kumikita, hindi ako! (It's available in Greenhills. They are making money.)

How do you plan to solve our country's economic problems?
Ang hirap naman! Ang utak ko hanggang eco lang .. nadugtungan pa! (That's a difficult question...)

How much did you earn in your last fight?
Ah... Sikrit. Hehehe. (Secret...)

What can you say about your title, Pambansang Kamao? Or do you have other body parts in mind?
Parang mas maganda, Pambansang Tattoo. (National Tattoo is better)

What can you say about the brain drain? About doctors working as nurses abroad?
Mahirap talaga dahil maliit ang suweldo dito sa atin. Kaya nga gusto ko sa ibang bansa lumaban. Mas malaki kaysa dito. Kasama din pala ako sa brain drain! (That's why I fight abroad, I make more money there.)

Among the products that you endorse, which is your favorite?
Ah ... Depende sa mood. Minsan nahihirapan ako e, kasi sobrang dami nila. Sabay-sabay dumarating sa bahay. Nalilito nga ako kung paano gamitin.

Minsan 'yung Motolite nagagawa kong mineral water. 'Yung San Miguel Beer nagagawa kong shampoo. 'Yung Datu Puti, nagagawa kong lotion. Minsan nga sinubukan ko na sabay-sabay inumin ang Alaxan, Circulan, Motolite, San Miguel Beer, Datu Puti, saka kinain ko 'yung Magnolia Ice Cream. Sumakit lang ang tiyan ko. Gusto ko lang magpapansin. Hindi kasi ako kinukuha ng Diatabs!

Yon na lang ang hindi ko nae-endorse. Yong barko, kay Sharon (Cuneta) na lang.

(Depends on my mood. But its confusing. Once, I mistook Motolite for mineral water; San Miguel beer for shampoo, Datu Puti vinegar for lotion. Once I took Alaxan, Circulan, Motolite, San Miguel beer, Datu Puti and Magnolia Ice Cream. I had a stomach ache. I want to call the attention of Diatabs! But I have not endorsed a shipping line, that belongs to Sharon Cuneta)

Are you really Visayan?
Ay oo, Bisaya talaga ako. Ubyus ba? (Yes, isn't it obvious?)

Critics say that you are being used by politicians. Care to comment?
Ah... hindi naman. Hindi naman nila ko magamit. Pa'no nila ako magamit, hindi naman ako na-attract sa kanila. (I don't think so, I don't even find them attractive.)

tech support call center bloopers

We are benefited by this BPO industry, especially call centers. But do you wonder why do Americans outsource their customer service needs? I found out that there are some boneheads, maybe MANY. They feel superior because they speak the language fluently. Check the site of Agent George .

Then, a dose American morons:

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.

When asked what happened when she pressed the power
switch, she asked,

"What power switch?"

===============

Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support....

"I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in."

The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.

===============

TSR: now, I want you to press F2 as soon as you see the Dell logo.

cust: ok...
cust: nothing's happening..

TSR: tap on it a few times..
cust: nothing's happening..

TSR: make sure that's F2 you're pressing ok..
cust: yeah, I'm pressing the letter F and the number 2 at the same time..

No water, no problem

Marami akong natanggap na balita nitong nakaraang araw, ukol sa kawalan ng tubig sa iba't ibang lugar ng Maynila. Ayon sa Maynilad, nagbawas ng produksyon ng tubig, mula sa 2,230 million liters per day ay nabawasan ito sa 1,970 million liters na lang.

Mukhang maaga ang pagtitipid ng mga kinauukulan para sa darating na tag-init. Siguradong unahan sa pag may rasyon ng tubig! Makakabangga ko na naman ang mga sugapa kong kapitbahay!

Syempre, kailangang magtipid. at narito ang ilang mas epektibong tips upang makatipid:

(1) Patayin ang gripo habang nagsisipilyo. Mas mabuting wag na lang magsipilyo. o pwedeng bumalik sa makalumang panahon, asin tapos mumog..

(2) Bawasan ang labas ng tubig sa shower. Dahil mahirap kami, wala kaming ganyan. Tabo lang. Mas mabuting lagyan ng interval ang paliligo. Kung dati, dalawang beses sa isang araw. Ngayon, baligtarin! isang beses sa dalawang araw!

(3) Wag hayaang umaagos ang tubig pag naglalaba. Mas mabuting ulitin na lang ang mga damit para matagal bago ka ulit maglaba. Alam nyo ba ang "side B" idea?

More Call Center Bloopers

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have YOUR EXPIRATION DATE, sir?
Customer: My what?
---------------------
Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma'am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That's a great offer, DI BA?
Customer: ???
---------------------
Agent verifying info from customer:
Agent: Is that a P for..... (thinking)... Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like BING-BONG.
---------------------
Customer trying to return a defective product:
Customer: I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent: For that concern, you can call our customer service at www.picustomerservice.com.
Customer: Call where???!!
---------------------
Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling about the Dish Network offer, my name is Vince..... (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV.... (puts the customer on hold, and then)... Thank you for calling about the DirecTV offer, my name is Vince...
---------------------
Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules...
Customer: Uhm.... say what, now. Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
---------------------
Agent verifying availability of valid mode of payment:
Agent: By the way, sir, do you have a CRAYDIT card in your name?
---------------------
Agent getting promo code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the promo code? It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes.
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
---------------------
Agent verifying customer's location:
Agent: That's W - I - S - C - O - N - S - I - N. So, you're from WESKUN-SIN?
Customer: No, it's Wis-con-sin.
Agent: Ah, OK, WES-KUN-SIN. And what's the country, ma'am?
Customer: Country?.. United States... You mean county, right?
Agent: Ah, yes...?
---------------------
Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It's P- as in Papa, I- as in India, C- as in costume, U- as in you, S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O.... Oscar...........V- for Voy.....
---------------------
Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
---------------------
Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: ...... Here's an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer's house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
---------------------
Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?
---------------------
Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: Let me just ask you.... How much are paying with your current provider right now?
Customer: Well, I'm only paying $25.00 (--which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) MAGKANO??!!
---------------------
Agent getting customer's address:
Agent: Can I have your address, please?
Customer: It's twenyfurfif-ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ULIT?
---------------------
Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
---------------------
Tech Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: YUNG yellow cord, mheem...
---------------------
Agent verifying info:
CS: Come again, sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!
(Siguro egoy 'tong customer n'ya.)
---------------------
Agent taking survey:
CS: I was hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA THREE MINUTES PO.
(Magalang pa sya, ha?)
---------------------
Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!
---------------------
Tech agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)?
Customer: Pull out your what now?
---------------------
Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
---------------------
Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo.....
---------------------
Customer: I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes!
Agent: DO yoU wANT to talk to God or You want to talk to Me?
Customer: $%$*&% , I rather talk to you....
---------------------
Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k YOU!" here...

Call Center Bloopers

Negligence on our part, and just pure dumbness on their side. More comments soon.

Actual c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team
niLa:

TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.
----------------------------------
TSR: It's C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...
(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!
----------------------------------
CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)
----------------------------------
CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
----------------------------------
CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
----------------------------------
CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
----------------------------------
CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
----------------------------------
Agent wrapping sale, trying to give the account info to customer:
TS: I will now be giving you your account number and order confirmation number, do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
----------------------------------
CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)
(oki lang yan, Dong...)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...
(...teypows enow???)
----------------------------------
Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...
(... I can PEEL it!!!)
----------------------------------
CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE...
(ay shyet, ulet!!!)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...
(... lemme try...)
----------------------------------
Cust (US): So how's the weather there?
CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...
Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...
(... dats nir Mexico...)
---------------------------------
TS: Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk... that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it.please type in C-H-K-D-S-K...
Cust: What is that again?
TS: C-H-K-D-S-K... that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly... D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly...
(gleng-gleng... bagong version...)

Buddy System

Well, yan na lang ang masasabi ko sa Pilipinas kong mahal. It's good to have friends. Wag lang padrino system.

Streetsign Story

A typical dating story.

(1)One day, a man was walking. (2)He saw a woman sleeping. (3)He felt desire burning inside him. (4)His adrenaline started pumping.

(5)He took the plunge. (6)He invited her to have a coffee, (7)then to the restaurant. (8)They went on a trip, (9)they did different activities.

(10)He took her to his house. (11)She told him she was on the pill, (12)and she laid down on the bed.

(13)She spreaded one leg, (14)then the other. (15)Then both.

(16)His reaction is was immediate, (17)He penetrated her, (18)He went in and out. (19)He discovered that she wasn't a virgin, (20)he suggested some other positions. (21)She refused, (22)but she asked him to go faster. (23)She made comments on his equipment.

(24)When she saw all colors of the rainbow, (25)she shouted "Stop!" (26)She hadn't told him the truth: (27)she wasn't on a pill. (28)But he lost his self-control, (29)and reached to the point of no return.

(30)She called him 9 months later, (31)from the hospital, (32)he had two children. (33)His world crumbled, (34)he wanted to die.

(35)The morale: (36)for not making a woman pregnant, (37)wear protection.

Lamok Scandal

Kailangang mapuksa ang ganitong kahalayan!
Bili na agad ng Baygon!

Bond paper ads | Double A Paper

What a concept for a commercial!


Be nice to your copier machine.
Actually, he was rejected by the Autobots (Transformers)


Keep out of reach of sexy...

Netherlands version of "Copy Room”, the video features model Michaela Zvarova playing a woman reaching for more paper off the top shelf. Just as her colleague returns, she bumps the start button on the photocopier, photocopying under her skirt.

Mansanas sa Paraiso

Kaya naman pala naakit si Eba sa mansanas sa paraiso.



Wala na akong masabi! The picture says it all!