tech support call center bloopers

We are benefited by this BPO industry, especially call centers. But do you wonder why do Americans outsource their customer service needs? I found out that there are some boneheads, maybe MANY. They feel superior because they speak the language fluently. Check the site of Agent George .

Then, a dose American morons:

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.

When asked what happened when she pressed the power
switch, she asked,

"What power switch?"

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Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support....

"I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in."

The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.

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TSR: now, I want you to press F2 as soon as you see the Dell logo.

cust: ok...
cust: nothing's happening..

TSR: tap on it a few times..
cust: nothing's happening..

TSR: make sure that's F2 you're pressing ok..
cust: yeah, I'm pressing the letter F and the number 2 at the same time..

Still more Call Center bloopers

CSR: Do you have any child so we could send out these gifts to you?
CLIENT: I'm sorry but i don't have any child.

CSR: Oh i understand, what about any grandchild? (wala ngang anak di ba, asa ka pang may apo)
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CSR: . . . and for our records, may i know your child's bday?
CLIENT: I don't know her bday. . .

CSR: Oh come on, it's your responsibility to know your child's bday. (tarayan ba ang customer?)
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CLIENT: (mad) how many times do i have to tell you i didn't purchase any card!

CSR: Ma'am, i'm talking about a 'car', a toy car, not a card.

CLIENT: but i said i didn't purchase any card!
CSR: No ma'am, not a card, what i mean is a car, an automotive. (baka ibig mong sabihin automobile)
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CLIENT: What is that space bag bulk storage system? (By the way, a space bag is a big bag, not sure if it's made of plastic, which size adjusts depending on the amount of air you vacuum out)

CSR: (with limited product knowledge) Well sir, it's some kind of a space bag, it's like a storage system where you put your things. (salamat sa explanation)
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CLIENT: What is this space bag?

CSR: (basta may masabi lang) ah sir, it's the thing worn by astronauts. (kakaiba tong taong to) BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE IS NOW ONE AMONG THE FEW SELECTED TRAINORS.
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CSR: We are giving you a free gift. You can either have the space bug bulk storage system or . . .

CLIENT: What the hell is a space bug? (a single letter spelled the big difference)
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CLIENT: What is this squeeze wrench?

CSR: It's a wrench that you squeeze for better grip. (huh?)
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CSR: One last thing sir, may i have your city of birth?
CLIENT: What?

CSR: Your city of birth?
CLIENT: What? i can't quite hear you.

CSR: (irita na) I said your city of birth, the place of your born! (nagalit pa)
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In the initial calling days, we were encouraged to go verbatim as little as possible. Stick to the script! Seems like a good practice right? (except for some special incidents).

CSR: So how is your car wash gadget?
CLIENT: It was a piece of junk! (irate)
CSR: Oh that's nice to hear from you, sir! (at least nag-stick sa script)
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CSR: As a way of expressing our gratitude, we are sending your choice of free gift. You could either have a Bushnell binoculars.....
CLIENT: What is a binocular?

CSR: It's the thing you use to make far objects appear closer.
CLIENT: I don't get it.

CSR: You know, it's the thing you use when you look out the window....
CLIENT: I'm sorry but i really don't know it.

CSR: (a bright idea came about) ah! sir, have you ever seen a telescope?
CLIENT: Yup!

CSR: All you do now is get one telescope on your right hand, and another one on the left, put them together, look at the eyepieces and there you have binoculars.
CLIENT: Oh, you mean binoculars! (may point tong CSR na to noh?)
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CSR: Yes, may i talk to mr. _ _ _ _ _ ?
CLIENT: He's not around, is there anything i can do for you?

CSR: It's ok, i just called to inform him that because he purchased an item from us, he is entitled to receive a free gift item. Anyway, i'll just call him back.
CLIENT: Really? would you like me to give you his mobile phone no. so you can get in touch with him.

CSR: Ok! (CSR noticed that the cell no. lacks the first four digits, he forgot that he was talking to US people, so he asked) Is it Globe or Smart?
CLIENT: pardon?

CSR: (realizing he committed a mistake) oh, i said i'll just try to contact him......
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CSR : We are giving away a free miniature car for free just because you purchased a product from us before. Well anyway sir, do you happen to be a car collection? (mas maganda yatang pakinggan kung car collector)
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CSR : ... and as a safeguard to show that i really did talk to you, may i have your city of birth, the place where you were born?
CLIENT: Inglewood

CSR: Where sir? In the woods? You were born in the woods? (Sino yan, si Tarzan?)

More Call Center Bloopers

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have YOUR EXPIRATION DATE, sir?
Customer: My what?
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Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma'am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That's a great offer, DI BA?
Customer: ???
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Agent verifying info from customer:
Agent: Is that a P for..... (thinking)... Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like BING-BONG.
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Customer trying to return a defective product:
Customer: I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent: For that concern, you can call our customer service at www.picustomerservice.com.
Customer: Call where???!!
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Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling about the Dish Network offer, my name is Vince..... (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV.... (puts the customer on hold, and then)... Thank you for calling about the DirecTV offer, my name is Vince...
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Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules...
Customer: Uhm.... say what, now. Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
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Agent verifying availability of valid mode of payment:
Agent: By the way, sir, do you have a CRAYDIT card in your name?
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Agent getting promo code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the promo code? It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes.
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
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Agent verifying customer's location:
Agent: That's W - I - S - C - O - N - S - I - N. So, you're from WESKUN-SIN?
Customer: No, it's Wis-con-sin.
Agent: Ah, OK, WES-KUN-SIN. And what's the country, ma'am?
Customer: Country?.. United States... You mean county, right?
Agent: Ah, yes...?
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Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It's P- as in Papa, I- as in India, C- as in costume, U- as in you, S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O.... Oscar...........V- for Voy.....
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Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
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Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: ...... Here's an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer's house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
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Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?
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Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: Let me just ask you.... How much are paying with your current provider right now?
Customer: Well, I'm only paying $25.00 (--which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) MAGKANO??!!
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Agent getting customer's address:
Agent: Can I have your address, please?
Customer: It's twenyfurfif-ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ULIT?
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Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
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Tech Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: YUNG yellow cord, mheem...
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Agent verifying info:
CS: Come again, sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!
(Siguro egoy 'tong customer n'ya.)
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Agent taking survey:
CS: I was hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA THREE MINUTES PO.
(Magalang pa sya, ha?)
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Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!
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Tech agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)?
Customer: Pull out your what now?
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Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
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Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo.....
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Customer: I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes!
Agent: DO yoU wANT to talk to God or You want to talk to Me?
Customer: $%$*&% , I rather talk to you....
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Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k YOU!" here...

Call Center Bloopers

Negligence on our part, and just pure dumbness on their side. More comments soon.

Actual c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team
niLa:

TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.
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TSR: It's C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...
(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!
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CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)
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CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
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CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
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CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
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CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
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Agent wrapping sale, trying to give the account info to customer:
TS: I will now be giving you your account number and order confirmation number, do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
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CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)
(oki lang yan, Dong...)
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TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...
(...teypows enow???)
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Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...
(... I can PEEL it!!!)
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CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE...
(ay shyet, ulet!!!)
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TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...
(... lemme try...)
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Cust (US): So how's the weather there?
CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...
Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...
(... dats nir Mexico...)
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TS: Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk... that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it.please type in C-H-K-D-S-K...
Cust: What is that again?
TS: C-H-K-D-S-K... that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly... D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly...
(gleng-gleng... bagong version...)